03 Jul 2015

You Car Not Be Serious

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When it comes to being a responsible automobile owner, some things are necessary, helpful and even vital in keeping your car ticking over healthily. Conducting mobile car body repairs in London, we get the privilege of seeing some absolutely stunning vehicles, however, as you might expect, we also get to see some sorry looking cars. That’s not to say that they are poor in quality, just that they have been subjected to some pretty sketchy aesthetic modifications…

Just as there are cool accessories, like the ever-handy Sat Nav, there are also some pretty dire accessories. The sort of alterations that would make you prefer to refuse a lift and have to walk home in the rain than have to be in the same few square feet as them.

Scissor Doors

Look! It’s Vin Diesel’s car… probably. This neat little feature not only allows your car door to move in a direction it didn’t originally (how zany’s that?!) but also allows the owner to look like they have too much money and the subtle chic of Timmy Mallet. The owner of one of these motor-strocities makes the humble ice cream van owner look like they’re driving, well… the scissor-doored car before they put the scissor doors in.

False Eye-Lashes

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No; it’s a fool… an absolutely massive fool. I’m sure you’ve all seen this accessory; the humour equivalent of blowing raspberries and elbow nudging someone until they go, “Yeah ok! Fine! Yeah, it’s funny! Can I go back to what I was doing now?”

These false eye lashes make the driver appear like an attention starved Big Brother contestant. Perhaps they are, but that doesn’t excuse them. You’d be better off setting fire to your money, although that’s illegal- like these should be.

Fake bullet holes

“I bet that person’s cool,” said no one ever upon glimpsing these #thuglife wannabes. We don’t know if it’s an attempt at looking hard, or if the perpetrator genuinely likes the look of a damaged car, but we think we speak for the rest of everyone-ever when we say, “Stop it. Stop it always.”

Name Stickers

Unless it says ‘Del Boy’ and ‘Rodney’, and it’s done ironically, and… nope. Actually, there’s no excuse. I can’t even begin to imagine the mindset of an individual who goes out of their way to order a bespoke name sticker half the size of a windscreen, who then has to go through the effort of putting it on the window, ironing out the bubbles at the foot of the word ‘Tina’ with the nearest flat object they have to hand (probably an ash tray or Kaiser Chiefs’ first album) and then standing back and exhaling with pride, “That… is blooming excellent.”

Under-Car LEDs

A car accessory for the avid sun-fancier who loves tanning so much that they want to drive a sunbed. Not satisfied at the fact their Tron-motorsunbed is burnt into your retinas, the usually accompanying deafening bark-wannabe-meow will wake you up at all hours making you think there’s a cat at the window, until you realise it was actually the embarrassed whir of a dignity-less car.

Nodding Dogs

Nodding dog owners are the life and soul of the party, able to imitate a northern accent as they exclaim, “oh no, no, no, no, no,” to the delight of all their fluffy dice owning mates. Well, nodding-dog-owners; no, no, no, no. No.


The Retraction…

OK, OK… maybe we’re being a littler unfair. Everybody should be entitled to doll up their car in whichever way they like, and the fact that people are opting to express themselves, in whatever fashion that may be, is actually pleasant to see in its own way. We’re happy that people can get so much enjoyment from their car. We just hope the car enjoys it as much as them.

At Smartway, we like a happy vehicle. So if your vehicle needs a little bit of body shop based love, we can offer our professional body shop solutions and bring a smile to your vehicle without buying it a literal stick-on smile. So if you would like to hear of our services and how we can help you and your motor-buddy live a happy life, contact us on 07732 542500 and one of our friendly team of professionals will be more than happy to help.

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